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What's Wrong With "Civility"?

Posted Apr 5, 12:03 PM | 1 comments | by Steve Knight | Link

A story on the cover of today’s Wall Street Journal proclaims “Be Nice, Or What?” and it covers a disagreement in Maryland over Howard County’s “Choose Civility” campaign. The founder of the campaign is Johns Hopkins University professor of civility Dr. P.M. Forni, and the protagonist in this debate is Heather Kirk-Davidoff, pastor of Kittamaqundi Community and a member of the Emergent Village board of directors.

In the article, Heather questions Forni’s “25 Rules of Considerate Conduct” and says, “Community is never made by rules. ... As soon as you set up boundaries, you invite people to regulate them. The first rule in my book is, ‘Be curious,’ and the second is, ‘Make room.’”

In a conversation with Forni, recorded in the article, Heather articulates her objection to Forni’s proposal: “It’s the rules. When we learn rules without learning compassion, the rules can do the opposite. Jesus didn’t say, ‘I am the rule,’ right?”

Forni concedes the point, “Yes. Jesus said, ‘I am the way.’ If I had met you before, probably I would have used ‘way.’ The 25 ways of being considerate and kind.”

On her blog, Heather clarifies her concerns further, “I am not against civility. ... the argument I have with Dr. Forni is not over whether it’s okay to be a jerk or not. It’s about HOW we can best improve and support civility in our public life, not whether we should be civil with each other. ...

“I think there are better ways to support civility in our public life than rules. I think the basis of right behavior—in public and in private—is compassion. So then, the question becomes, how to we encourage compassion? How do we grow compassion in our community?”

Heather plans to write more on her two proposals for growing compassion: “Get curious” and “Make room.”

Read the full WSJ article: “Be Nice, Or What? Fans of Dr. Forni Spread Civility: 25 Rules Don’t Go Over Well With Everybody; Naysayer in Maryland”

Read Heather’s blog post today: “What Exactly Is My Problem With Civility?”

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